Bible verses for comfort during miscarriage

What do you turn to when you're feeling the weight of grief on your shoulders? Turning to the worldly comforts during times such as miscarriage can satisfy us temporarily, but where or who can we turn to when these things no longer fix us the way they once did?

I know that my, and your, ultimate hope comes from the Lord (Romans 15:13). This truth has been the basis of my healing through two miscarriages. I allows me to pull myself out of the fleeting world around me to find solid ground on my rock, Jesus.

It is him who died for my sins. It is him that closes the gap from here to eternity - from me to my babies in heaven.

I thought it might be helpful for those going through miscarriage to refer back to a few passages of scripture that have helped me through the most difficult times in my life - losing my children.

These words give hope. They breathe life into the death and sadness that the enemy so badly wants me to focus on.

Please share this blog in the hopes that someone around you, or even yourself will find truth, love, and hope that can only come from the Lord.

1 Samuel 1:27-28

For this child I prayed, and the Lord has granted me my petition that I made to him. Therefore I have lent him to the Lord. As long as he lives, he is lent to the Lord.

Psalm 34:17-21

The righteous cry out, and the Lord hears them; he delivers them from all their troubles. The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. The righteous person may have many troubles, but the Lord delivers him from them all; he protects all his bones, not one of them will be broken. Evil will slay the wicked; the foes of the righteous will be condemned. 

Daniel 3:17-18

If this be so, our God whom we serve is able to deliver us from the burning fiery furnace, and he will deliver us out of your hand, O king. But if not, be it known to you, O king, that we will never serve your gods or worship the golden image that you have set up.

Romans 8:18

For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us.

Ecclesiastes 11:5

As you do not know the path of the wind, or how the body is formed in a mother's womb, so you cannot understand that work of God, the Maker of all things.

Isaiah 55:8-9

"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways," declares the Lord. As heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.

Matthew 11:28-30

Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.

2 Corinthian 1:3-5

Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God. For as we share abundantly in Christ's sufferings, so through Christ we share abundantly in comfort too.

1 Corinthians 15:54-58

When the perishable has been clothes with the imperishable, and the mortal with immortality, then the saying that is written will come true: "Death has been swallowed up in victory. Where, O death, is your victory? Where, O death, is your sting?" The sting of death is sin, and the power of sin is the law. But thanks be to God! He gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ. Therefore, my dear brothers and sisters, stand firm. Let nothing move you. Always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord, because you know that your labor in the Lord is not in vain.

A husband's take on miscarriage

As I think about my perspective on what happened regarding my wife’s 2 miscarriages, I slowly become overwhelmed. While I did not experience the physical trauma that my wife had, I still had to witness everything. I was experiencing one of the worst things that a husband can go through, watching my wife in pain and terror and not being able to do anything. I thought as if this nightmare would never end as I felt more and more worthless as time went on. Now that some time has passed since these tragedies, there are a few points I would like to share with the men who are also in the thick of this.  

Helplessness is not fun

I know for myself and I believe most men will agree that being helpful to your wife is a wonderful feeling. Things as small as helping opening a jar, taking the car to get gas, doing the dishes, all leave us with a feeling of worth when we help our loved ones. What we do not like, is watching people in pain and having to sit there. Doing nothing sucks. I believe that we have this image of men as being these protectors of their wives but that is not always the case. In the midst of a miscarriage, we are helpless. Helplessness does not mean worthlessness. Sure, things are out of control and going crazy but this does not mean we cannot be helpful. What I found out what was more beneficial for my wife was being able to be there for her.   

Don’t offer solutions

While women go through these terrible things, the husband should not be trying to look for a solution. The single best thingI believe that a husband can do in this moment is put his own agenda to the side and listen to the needs and pain of his wife. Listening is such a strong tool that promotes cohesiveness, compassion, and understanding. While miscarriage is difficult for couples, the husband should try his best to not try to impose his view on his wife or distract her. We should love our wives through this by putting our focus on them first and then confront our own needs. When we try to offer solutions and “fix” things, we lose the opportunity to connect to our wives. Be patient, and just because you may have “gotten past the miscarriage” does not mean your wife is ready yet. 

Feel the feelings

Once the dust settles and the intense moments of the miscarriage start to go away, allow yourself to feel everything. It is extremely unhealthy to push things to the side and not address them. If you feel sad, allow yourself to cry. If you feel angry, find a positive way to get rid of the anger. Do not be afraid to open up to your wife about your feelings when the time is right, this can promote such growth within the relationship. I know that today men “should not cry” and “should be tough”. I want to point out that suppressing intense emotions can result in some maladaptive behaviors that can be extremely detrimental not only for the relationship, but also the individual. 

We are not told what to do when tragedy hits. While the points I have listed are not the end all be all to getting through this tragedy, I wish someone would have told me these. As husbands, we are to love our wives unconditionally, and sometimes we experience tough times. If you find yourself being a husband, boyfriend, or father of someone who has experienced miscarriage and you would like to talk to someone, please reach out through this form.

It's not over when it's over

Since my last post I've had mostly good days with a few really tough days sprinkled in. On those days, I'm reminded the pain and realness of my story is not over even though my miscarriages are becoming more distant as life continuously moves forward. The feelings I felt so explicitly in the thick of it peek through sometimes when I least expect it. Tonight is one of those nights.

Sadness creeps in like an unwelcome friend.

However, I've been contacted by a few friends about how this blog has impacted the lives of others in a positive way and I'm reminded of the goodness that can come out of such a terrible thing. I think about the Babylonians. In Habakkuk 1:1-5 we see how God uses a people of evil and wickedness to carry out His plan. God's goodness shines through the Babylonians. 

God's goodness shines through my miscarriages. 

I've seen others comforted through a similar story to theirs, friendships have been redeemed, my husband and I love each other in a way we never would have experienced without the pain we've experienced together.

But know, if you are going through a miscarriage right now, you might not be where I am yet. You might still be in your valley. This doesn't mean that the pain, sadness, and depression you are feeling isn't completely real. Feel the emotions. 

Don't push them down in an attempt to find the good in your situation yet if you aren't ready. You need to make your way out of the valley onto higher ground before you can see what good God will bring out of your situation. 

Just know, it will pass, the pain doesn't last forever. When you are ready, share your story with others. Let people know how you feel and what you need from them.

Don't be afraid to accept or ask for help when you need it.

On the same note, if you know someone who has gone through a miscarriage, be sensitive to their emotions. It is a traumatic thing to experience. They've felt physical and emotional pain. It's not over even though they're back at work. Their pain is still as real as ever even though they're able to laugh with you again.

Give them time to assimilate back into their routine. But please do not ignore them. Don't ignore the fact that they've gone through losing a child. Acknowledge their pain. You don't have to say all the "right things." A good way to start is by saying "I'm so sorry for what you've gone through. If you need or want to talk just know I am here for you."

Let them open up to you when they are ready. Chances are they do not want to hear all of the cliches that might feel like the right thing to say because usually they are more painful than they are helpful.

Grief is hard and helping people through something like a miscarriage is even harder because it is not something often talked about or even deemed worthy of a grieving process. This is totally untrue and I pray that these words will gain momentum and help others peer into a window of what it is like to go through miscarriage.

Thank you for taking the time to read through this post. I never imagined how God would use my words to help others and myself through my grieving process. If you haven't seen my other posts, please consider reading through them as I try to give practical advise for helping those through miscarriage.

As always, please share. Someone you know might be suffering silently. It is so important to know you are not alone. If you need someone to talk to or have questions about helping someone through their grieving process, please reach out through this form.