What I wish people knew about miscarriage

Experiencing a miscarriage is life changing. It is painful emotionally and physically. Recovering takes time, rest, prayer, and support from those around you. As a society, miscarriage is often not talked about, which can lead to confusion about how to help those you know who have gone through one. My hope is that this post will be helpful in the healing process of others by sharing my personal point of view of what I wish people knew about miscarriage.

Choosing not to acknowledge someone's miscarriage is hurtful
Assimilating back to "normal life" after miscarriage is terrifying. "What will people say? What if what they say makes me cry? How will I get through my first day back at work?" I remember asking myself (and Jeremy) these questions after my first miscarriage last November. I wanted to just crawl under a rock and wait there until I was ready to come out (which would have been years it seemed like).

It takes courage to get back to the daily routine. Some take longer than others to muster it up and get back to the grind of work or school. Satan uses these "what ifs" to hold us hostage in our own homes on some days.

However hard it is to get up and out of the door some days, I truly understand the difficulty in not knowing what to say to someone after they've suffered a miscarriage. I know it is so hard and terrifying that "what if" you don't say the right thing? And that paralyzes some people into not saying anything at all.

I found it hurt most when people chose to stay silent. Just acknowledging what I had been through was enough. "I'm so sorry this happened to you" is the response I truly appreciated. It doesn't have to be a lot. It doesn't require any eloquent words or phrases, just recognizing that I had been through a miscarriage was a response I became truly thankful for.

The aftermath is a grieving process
Having a miscarriage takes time to heal from. There is grief not only from losing your child, but also the life you pictured having once your child would have been born.

Sometimes there is more sadness in knowing you will never hear your child cry or know what their personality would have been like or what color their eyes would have been. Other days I am deeply saddened because the life I played out in my head 8 months from now is going to look so different from reality.

Some days are bad, some are okay, and some are surprisingly good. But there isn't one that goes by without thinking about our children. Again, the only hope I have on some days is knowing this is not my eternal home and one day I will be reunited with our sweet babies in heaven.

Miscarriage is real
It's a painful, real experience that is just as valid as any other loss. The grief can be debilitating. Community and support are vital in the process of healing. Please don't be afraid to reach out to someone who has gone through this loss. I am so thankful for all of the emotional and practical support we have received after each miscarriage. We have had friends reach out, stop by, pray, provide a meal. Each of these are excellent ways to provide support.

Thank you for taking the time to read this post. I hope that through it, you will be more prepared for the ministry of helping couples and women who have experienced miscarriage.