For Poppy

I knew that June was going to be a hard month. Nothing could prepare me for the feelings I felt what seems like an eternity ago to resurface. Seven months have passed since we lost our sweet Poppy. And while my sinfulness wants to make this time being bitter, anger, and jealous, God is giving me a different spirit.

Does this mean I don't feel these emotions at times? No, but what a joy to know that both of my children will never know the brokenness of this world. 

9 days from today will look a lot different than I imagined in my head when I saw the second pink line for the first time. It's been the hardest season of my life. Losing two children has left a mark on my heart I never thought I would have to bear. What has God taught me in this time of grief and growth? I want to share the answers with you below. If you are interested, please keep reading.

I need help from others

I know I've said it before, but I'll say it again 1000 times because of it's impact. Do not go at this alone.

 You need community. You were created in the image of God. He is three in one. This shows a blueprint for how we are to live. I remember so clearly the isolation that I felt during our first miscarriage. I sunk faster and faster into a pit I didn't know how to crawl out of. I looked up to the people above me but I didn't know how to let them down in to this place I found myself in.

I was angry at the things they weren't doing even though I never thought to communicate to them what exactly that was.

Bereaved mama and daddy, Don't be afraid to tell the people who are there for you what you need. Maybe you don't want to let them in because "they don't know how it feels." I totally get it. I was there. God revealed to me through my second miscarriage that I was doing this wrong the first time. Those people that reach out are there for you.

Maybe it is space that you need. Maybe it's a meal or a time just to sit and be silent. Just let them know.

In Galatians 6:2 we are told to "bear one another's burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ." If you know someone going through miscarriage, this verse shows exactly how to help. Bear your friend's burdens. Cook them a meal, sit and cry with them, pray with them. But please don't just say you will be praying. Show your suffering brothers and sisters in Christ your love through actions. 

God's grace and love shine brightest in the darkness

You might not realize how God was blessing you and showing you His grace until after your trial has come and gone. I know for me, I didn't realize many of the things I've shared on this blog until after our second miscarriage.

I'm so in awe of God's sovereignty when I think about my miscarriages. Sounds weird to say. I bet it sounds weird for you to hear, Especially if you are not pursuing a deeper understanding and relationship with Him. 

I want you to see my story as a testament of the love God has for his people. Even now in my grief and suffering, he provides.

Have you noticed a theme of these posts? Friends, my positive outlook on my miscarriages is not by my own abilities. God gives me hope to even be able to look for the good in my loss because he sent His son to die for you, me, my babies, your loved ones, your babies, everyone.

God's grace is certainly something to be joyful about because there is hope! Hope that all of us who have lost our children will one day see them again when we too pass away.

People can be hurtful

This isn't something exclusive to miscarriage. We are broken people living in a broken world. My motive in saying these things is not to point a finger or blame anyone who may have said these words to me. My intention is to show how words hold so much power.

I've heard many things from, "Everything happens for a reason," "You'll have children one day," or "I'm sure there was something wrong with your baby." Usually, intentions are good in saying these statements. They are said to bring comfort to the person suffering.

Have you ever said anything like this? Maybe even to me? Please hear me when I say that I know your intentions were good. I am not harboring any hatred or anger towards you. I even appreciate your courage to speak up when it seemed like everyone else was ignoring my pain. I just pray that maybe when you encounter another hurting mama, your first response would be "I see your pain, and I'm sorry that you're going through this right now."

Have you ever had these things said to you? Or have you been ignored during your miscarriage by those you thought would be the first to say something? Please hear me when I say that I am so sorry. I know that these actions cut to the core of your wounds. Before you let these statements, or lack thereof, sink in and let bitterness and anger rule in your mind, take a moment and think about the time you might have done the same to someone else. 

Ouch.

This hurt me, too. Which brings me to my next God-given teaching moment.

I have been the person mentioned above

I know that sting from conviction. It hurts more than the pain of someone else's actions towards you. I want you to know that I am not trying to shame you in any way. I just want to share how God has softened my heart.

I can remember countless instances in my life where I have chosen to sit by while I see a friend or stranger in need. Miscarriages have broken my heart for others who are suffering. They give me a window into souls filled with grief and sadness.

What a gift this is to know and understand the hearts of others.

I thank God for this. He's used miscarriage for His glory. Teaching me in a new way how to love others and tend to their needs as he has done so throughout my grief and sadness.

This list of what God has taught me is not exhaustive. God's goodness continually teaches and corrects me and comforts me in a way I would have never known without the physical and emotional emptiness of miscarriage. This hole left in my heart is not eternal, but a satisfying, perfect life with God is.