First Birthday

I waited patiently for the Lord to help me,

and he turned to me and heard my cry.

He lifted me out of the pit of despair,

out of the mud and the mire.

He set my feet on solid ground

and steadied me as I walked along.

He has given me a new song to sing,

a hymn of praise to our God.

Many will see what he has done and be amazed.

They will put their trust in the Lord.

Psalm 40:1-3

I opened up my bible today and this was the first passage I read. Waiting is not something I'm unfamiliar with. I should be setting up for a birthday party tomorrow. Maybe there would have been a cake with flowers. Maybe one decorated with dinosaurs or trains.

I always wonder what would have been for the precious life that I carried in my womb for 9 weeks. You made me a mother. Although those around me don't see you and when I'm asked if I have any children, sometimes I lie. I am a mother. Your life mattered.

My love will never end for the two babies I carried. I will always hold them in my heart and if there's one thing I've learned from this journey, it's that I need to give myself space to feel. Sometimes it's grief and frustration and other times it's joy in remembering that because of Christ's blood shed for you and me, all hope is not lost. Don't you feel a longing in your soul for something more than this world can give us?

Even as a Christian my life is not promised to be easy or free from death. This is the symptom of the fallen world we live in. Because of one man's sin, all of us are subjected to living out a life that we were not intended to live. One look at the world around us and we see this, but because one man lived a perfect life, you and I have hope for a future when we leave this earth. My hope has always been to share my story with others to give them hope and understanding. If you have gone through miscarriage, I want you to read my words and know you are not alone. I see you, but more importantly Jesus sees you.

I want you to know that even though I have carried another child only to end up with the same heartbreak and loss, God has given me a new song to sing because of the hope I have in Jesus. He can give you one too if you allow him into your heart. There is no "fix-it" in this world that will promise you a happy life, but we have Jesus and he is enough. 

Even if I am never satisfied of my longing and desire to carry a child full-term and live a life as a mother to that child on earth, Jesus will be enough.

Please share so that these words would reach the eyes of those who may be suffering. Please reach out to those you know are suffering. It doesn't need to be eloquent. There is nothing "right" you will say to fix the situation. Sometimes it's best to sit in silence. Just being present to sit with someone in their sadness or grief is all it takes to let someone know they are not alone.

Thank you, God, for the new song you offer to everyone. Thank you, Jesus, for dying for all of us, including my babies, so we have a new hope. Thank you for continuing to read my story.

Bedroom Renovations

Every room in our house was (some still are) a work in progress, but the bedrooms were our first big project. One of the biggest problems we noticed was a heavy amount of soiling on the carpet once the previous owners moved their furniture out. We negotiated in our contract to have the house cleaned - carpets being one item on the list. We were certain that with a good scrubbing, the stains and smell would come out.

We were wrong, unfortunately. So a carpet change was in order pretty soon down the road!

If you are buying a fixer upper that needs new flooring one tip I would suggest is to paint before you change out the carpet or hardwood. This saved us so much time and hassle because we didn't have to worry about paint splattering or tipping out onto the floor, which it inevitably will no matter how careful you try to be. Trust me on that one.

Aside from specific changes and upgrades we did in each room, the paint color we chose for the house is the same throughout. It was really important for me to create a neutral, cohesive backdrop in each room because I like to change out decor every now and then - which usually means swapping pieces from room to room.

Our color of choice for the wall was Subtle Touch by Behr. The trim is Bakery Box, also by Behr. We opted to get a "middle of the road" paint. Not quiet the best of the best, but better than the lowest grade. I cannot stress enough how much I suggest getting this if you are undertaking a whole-house redo. It took only two coats to cover some of the darkest and brightest paints in the house. Definitely worth the money!

Painting was a fun adventure for us because neither one of us had ever painted any walls before... ever. The best tool we picked up was an edger like this one. This was a life saver because we did not have to tape anything... I repeat ANYTHING off. Amazing. Bless you, creator of the edger. *Disclaimer - make sure you paint your trim first and then use the edger so you don't have to tape anything!*

We started in our bedroom, which wasn't too drastic of a change - from sandy brown to light grey. It was our first taste of how transformative a fresh coat of paint can be.

Bedroom before

Bedroom "after" aka in progress - notice how we didn't have to lay a tarp out - the only perk of having gross carpet!

Once we felt like we had a grasp on how to properly paint, we tag teamed the guest rooms. This is where the transformations become a little more dramatic! The first guest room was a dark green color that made the room feel a little like a cave. After we finished this room, it felt much more airy and welcoming!

Guest room #1 before

Guest room #1 after

Probably the most drastic change in the entire house was the second bedroom, which started out as a tart lime green. There wasn't anything subtle about the touch up we achieved in this room.

Guest room #2 before - the worst of the worst carpet was in this room

Guest room # 2 after

After all of the rooms were transformed, we painted the closets with a coat of Bakery Box to clean them up as they had some scuff marks. Shout out to our friends Tanner and Claire for helping us accomplish this one weeknight last fall!

Once we allowed all of the paint to dry, we quickly made a choice on a new carpet. We went with a neutral grey Stainmaster carpet since we have a sweet pup who is always tracking new, fun things in the house especially on rainy days.

Beautiful, fresh, new carpet. <3<3<3

The biggest bonus that came with replacing the carpet was that it helped eliminate about 90% of the funky smell we noticed during our walkthroughs. We are so thankful for the changes that we were able to make with the bedrooms. My inner Joanna was singing with joy. Next up to tackle was the Living Room!

Kitchen Reno

Essential Oils

Essential oils are so versatile and useful - from diffusing to topical use they can be used to calm or energize and relieve symptoms and discomfort cause by headaches, allergies, and cramps. I became interested in them a few years ago but was turned off by the high prices of most companies. It wasn't until late summer of 2017 that a friend recommended trying Eden's Garden, a company specializing in providing pure, high quality oils at lower prices.

I am in no way objecting to supporting a friend or family member who sells essential oils through a marketing company, but I do recommend EG if you’re looking to see what the essential oils craze is all about or want to try a few before making a bigger investment.

I'll be diving into a few of my favorite oils to diffuse and use around the house and the diffuser that I use.

Lavender is great to diffuse at bedtime to help us relax and unwind.

Citrus scents are bright and vibrant. They are perfect to diffuse in the morning while waking up. Grapefruit oil is useful in a roller bottle with a carrier oil to relieve menstrual cramps.

Eden’s Garden also has blends of oils that are great to relieve headaches, allergies, and common cold symptoms.

Their Cleaning and Fighting Five (Thieves equivalent) blends are great to use in the kitchen and bathrooms. Add a few drops to a spray bottle of water or vinegar to create an all purpose cleaner.

Eucalyptus and Peppermint blend well when diffused together. They smell clean and bright.

When you place an order you will receive this handy pamphlet with 150 ways to use your essential oils.

I use this diffuser from Amazon that I got for about $20.

Whether you’re just looking for an alternative to candles, or a more natural way to relieve pain, essential oils are a great option for a natural alternative that I recommend trying. You can find Eden's Garden here. They have a great blog that goes more in depth about each oil. I like to reference that before making a purchase, especially if their are different strains of the same plant.

I hope this post has been helpful and that you'll give oils a try - even just to diffuse for the wonderful smells!

Our very own Fixer Upper

Raise your hand if you've been under the spell of Joanna Gaines since Fixer Upper debuted in 2013. I have a strong feeling I won't be the only one with my hands up in the air. Yes, both hands.

Fast forward 5 years. My husband and I are now seriously starting to look for a house to buy after settling in to our new town. I was no longer just stalking Zillow for dream homes that are way out of my league and far above what our bank account has to offer.

We looked at a few houses with our awesome realtor Tish and waded through the first round of looking. Then one day we happen upon an unassuming home in a smaller, quiet neighborhood. We walk in and it hits me - at first not with beauty and potential but with a strange smell - years of dog pee and funk. It was like a palpable scent. 

I was in love.

Not with the odor, of course, but with the potential. Beautiful brick fire place in the large, open living room. A decent sized kitchen and large back yard. After the second walk through we were sold. A few weeks later, luckily so was the house - to us! 

Time to get to work! Luckily, Jeremy nor I had ever had any experience working on a house in any capacity, but I had years of HGTV shows cataloged in my brain and ready to go. 

This was our time to shine.

I'm going to be going room by room sharing in our trials and triumphs of what we accomplished and what we learned along the way. Hopefully this series will be inspiring and entertaining because after a long and somewhat traumatic experience we all deserve to look back and laugh, right? 

Thankfully everything has turned out for the better and we have been blessed with a stronger marriage, lowered "perfection" expectations, faithful friends who showed up to rescue us in the pits of our despair, and our trusty sidekick of a pup who is just along for the crazy journey.

I hope you'll stick around and see what our fixer upper has to offer!