It's not over when it's over

Since my last post I've had mostly good days with a few really tough days sprinkled in. On those days, I'm reminded the pain and realness of my story is not over even though my miscarriages are becoming more distant as life continuously moves forward. The feelings I felt so explicitly in the thick of it peek through sometimes when I least expect it. Tonight is one of those nights.

Sadness creeps in like an unwelcome friend.

However, I've been contacted by a few friends about how this blog has impacted the lives of others in a positive way and I'm reminded of the goodness that can come out of such a terrible thing. I think about the Babylonians. In Habakkuk 1:1-5 we see how God uses a people of evil and wickedness to carry out His plan. God's goodness shines through the Babylonians. 

God's goodness shines through my miscarriages. 

I've seen others comforted through a similar story to theirs, friendships have been redeemed, my husband and I love each other in a way we never would have experienced without the pain we've experienced together.

But know, if you are going through a miscarriage right now, you might not be where I am yet. You might still be in your valley. This doesn't mean that the pain, sadness, and depression you are feeling isn't completely real. Feel the emotions. 

Don't push them down in an attempt to find the good in your situation yet if you aren't ready. You need to make your way out of the valley onto higher ground before you can see what good God will bring out of your situation. 

Just know, it will pass, the pain doesn't last forever. When you are ready, share your story with others. Let people know how you feel and what you need from them.

Don't be afraid to accept or ask for help when you need it.

On the same note, if you know someone who has gone through a miscarriage, be sensitive to their emotions. It is a traumatic thing to experience. They've felt physical and emotional pain. It's not over even though they're back at work. Their pain is still as real as ever even though they're able to laugh with you again.

Give them time to assimilate back into their routine. But please do not ignore them. Don't ignore the fact that they've gone through losing a child. Acknowledge their pain. You don't have to say all the "right things." A good way to start is by saying "I'm so sorry for what you've gone through. If you need or want to talk just know I am here for you."

Let them open up to you when they are ready. Chances are they do not want to hear all of the cliches that might feel like the right thing to say because usually they are more painful than they are helpful.

Grief is hard and helping people through something like a miscarriage is even harder because it is not something often talked about or even deemed worthy of a grieving process. This is totally untrue and I pray that these words will gain momentum and help others peer into a window of what it is like to go through miscarriage.

Thank you for taking the time to read through this post. I never imagined how God would use my words to help others and myself through my grieving process. If you haven't seen my other posts, please consider reading through them as I try to give practical advise for helping those through miscarriage.

As always, please share. Someone you know might be suffering silently. It is so important to know you are not alone. If you need someone to talk to or have questions about helping someone through their grieving process, please reach out through this form.

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